The signs are all there. Your pup is pulling away. Thing you guys used to share have now become a chore and he seems distant and unresponsive to cuddle time. Maybe he’s having a bad day, but it feels like weeks, which in dog years roughly translates to one week.
People tell you not to read too much into it, but you should. Literally, read into the signs that your dog is just not that into you.
1. He doesn’t want to give you kisses back.
Even if you put peanut butter on your cheek.
2. He shits on your pillow.
An obvious sign that people often mistake for separation anxiety. But what it really means is: “I wanna sleep in your bed without you in it.”
3. He ate all the garbage.
The ultimate insult to your culinary attempts, he’s basically saying he prefers garbage to your cooking.
4. He never asks about your day.
Sure he can’t talk, but it would be nice to be asked. You always ask him how his day is!
5. He sits on the opposite side of the couch from you.
He used to be grateful that you even allowed him on the couch, but now he demands at least two cushions and a throw pillow’s distance in between you.
6. He farts under the covers.
Do you ever Dutch Oven someone you love? Not unless you’re 12. Which your dog is.
7. He humps everything but you.
If his stuffed toy walrus is more attractive to him than you, then you don’t rock his woof anymore.
8. He doesn’t reveal things about himself…like his belly.
“NO RUBS FOR YOU!”
9. He gives you the silent treatment.
10. He doesn’t care about your career.
He didn’t even think that computer cord tasted good.
11. He digs up your garden.
He DGAF about your hard work.
12. He gives excuses to why he didn’t call.
“I have no thumbs.”
“I don’t have a cell phone.”
“I had to help my buddy move.”
“My mom was sick.”
“I’m really stressed out right now.”
13. He starts sniffing around other dogs.
Face it, your smell doesn’t drive him wild anymore. He’s moved on to newer, younger and more canine butts.
14. He buried the toy you gave him on his 3rd birthday.
He’s trying to move on by getting rid of anything that reminds him of you. He may say he’s more into minimalism now and doesn’t see the point in owning all this “stuff,” but you know what he really means…
15. He doesn’t bring you around his friends or family.
True he doesn’t know where most of his litter went and his mom still lives on a farm in Germany somewhere, but at the dog park, you can see how he runs off to be with his friends without even bothering to introduce you. It’s like you’re not even there!
16. He tries to change you.
He hides your slip-ons because he doesn’t want you to wear them anymore. And then he brings high heels to the side of the bed so you will wear them because they make your legs look more “humpable”.
17. The relationship is more physical than emotional.
He always wants to go on walks or play fetch instead of hearing about your feelings.
18. When you go to lunch at a dog-friendly restaurant he never pays the bill.
Or even offers!
19. He won’t make eye contact.
I know it seems aggressive to your species to make eye-contact with another mammal, but do you even know what color my eyes are? Do you??
20. He won’t make future plans with you.
It’s like he only lives in the present moment. He only cares about what you guys are doing right now. It’s like he has no concept of time.
21. He will only smell you from the front.
And he’s not even open to other positions anymore.
Featured image via @foxx_marie